Being Alone Abroad

Being Alone Abroad

What does friendship mean?

I think it is a common sentiment that students going into the process of studying abroad worry about making friends. To go from having your life ‘figured out’ (friends, family, culture, language) to a new country, it is obviously a big change. And I think, unfortunately, more people than you’d think arrive with friends or have some connections at their new university. So, it may feel like your own isolation is a unique rather than shared experience, and it could get lonely. 

For myself, I have spent most of my time alone while being abroad. And surprisingly, I have been feeling more at home here than at my home university. I think, in general, I was very exhausted from having to think about the new social dynamics of making friends here. I don’t do the usual things other people always do here, drinking and/or clubbing, so it gets difficult to feel like I made ‘meaningful’ connections. And honestly, that’s fine. 

I was surprised that I was able to make a couple of good friends here, but I went abroad with the intention of better knowing my life and experiencing Korea the best that I could. Sometimes, I can only do it while I am alone. Especially for dietary preference, I noticed that a LOT of people chose to visit Korea despite not liking Korean food, so they end up almost always choosing more Western styles of food. Admittedly, I have vastly different interests than other people, and it’s a lot to ask for someone to be open to things like indoor rock climbing or video gaming, but that’s how it is sometimes. I still have to somewhat be comfortable and open to drinking and other things if I want to truly experience other peoples’ lives, and they have to feel comfortable and open if they really want to be in mine too. 

In general, I think there’s a largely unfair stigma against people who are seen alone. Even people with “many friends” spend a large amount of time alone, and they get lonely too. You don’t and shouldn’t need many friends to live a fulfilling life. I’d rather have people who know the ‘real’ me than to always feel the need to put up an act. At the very least, being a kind person is usually the simplest, and yet hardest, condition to connect with someone.