An Unexpected Guilt Trip

    With less than 48 hours before I get on a plane, and what I hoped would be a post about the secrets to packing efficiently and effectively, or how I am completely overwhelmed by the amount of sweaters that I love, yet can't bring with me, has instead turned into a post about guilt. 
    It's odd that I didn't expect this emotion to rear its ugly head. Any grand move from the familiar can leave a person with  feelings of guilt. Those who embark on any journey away from home, no doubt are leaving people and lives behind. A sense of guilt of what will be missed is expected. But is it fair to be having feelings of guilt when one is trying to pursue a lifelong dream? I guess there isn't a right answer.
  No doubt the beginning of something new always falls on the heels of something ending which can be quite sad for onlookers. I started to feel guilty for leaving, after my farewell party when my loving grandmother, with no ill intent, made the comment that she "hopes to be alive when I come back". Granted she has every right to express her feelings, but it hit me that she may not be here when I get back. She's older and has multiple health problems. Sadly, unbeknownst to her it began a snowball effect. A list of all that I will miss while away in the lives of my dear friends and family started to make me wonder. Is this the right decision? Maybe I should wait until ... When? Convenience? When is it ever a convenient time to make a major life decision? Although we try our very best to plan, we really have no control over what happens in our lives. We are all victims of bad timing and unforeseen occurrences. Since this is a constant it makes no sense for me to stay put because I am scared of what I'll miss  while away. 
   During my time away I hope to do my very best to stay in touch with my loved ones and to not miss out on too much. But it's expected, the fear of missing out combined with the excitement of building something new. One cannot be had without the other, it is a kind of bittersweetness. So how does one deal with the guilt of leaving all that you love and know behind?  A part of me wants to say you don't. Just cry your eyes out, drink a cup of wine, and write in your diary. But I guess my best advice is to feel. Feelings are meant to be felt. Guilt can be healthy; it will encourage you to not take the present time for granted. But we all must be wary that the guilt doesn't become all consuming. Life is too short to let dreams fly by and become regrets that leave you awake at night.