Finding the courage...

A brief confession here... I hadn’t quite realized how difficult it might actually be to keep a blog when I decided to apply for the opportunity. It’s not a problem of writing things down - I’ve written a number of posts that still are sitting in my draft pile; it is the inner-conflict of being vulnerable enough to share my thoughts and experiences with strangers and family/friends alike.

And, if I’m being honest, I’m not sure which is more challenging. In some ways it’s easier to share with strangers - people who don’t know me (and likely won’t meet me in person) - versus the people who I love and respect and would never want to disappoint. But, on the other hand, the family and friends who know me are probably a bit more invested in me as a person as they celebrate and commiserate with my joys and challenges; and I appreciate the prayers and encouragement that they offer me!

Either way though, I really feel like it is important to be honest - to share the truth - even when it is hard. Which is, in part, why it always takes a little while for me to post.

So now that I have all that out in the open, I want to share my latest self-discovery.

I have spent a lot of time being afraid in my lifetime. It’s not something that I am proud of, nor is it something that I think a lot of people realize. But, the truth of the matter is that I am easily frightened by a lot of, seemingly, irrational things. Some of this fear stems from my personality. As an introvert, being with people, meeting new people, and putting myself out there can actually be emotionally and even physically exhausting. Add to that an extra dose of fear (fear of rejection, fear of disapproval, fear of whatever else) and that’s what I face; sometimes on a daily basis.

This is a huge part of me and it is something that I have to constantly address.  I really don’t want to spend my life being afraid and so I work to be brave instead.  I have faith that is greater than my fears - usually - but still I have to remind myself that leaving the house is something that I should do; that I wasn’t created to sit in a room alone. The desires of my heart require me to step out of the comfort of my bedroom and into the world.

A wise man once told me that “Courage is not a lack of fear; rather, courage is facing your fears while still shaking in your boots.” (Thanks, Mr. Mihovich!) And while he told me that over a decade ago, I think of it often.  I’m not going to let fear stop me from living.

And so here I am: living in Spain, going salsa dancing, talking to strangers - in other languages -and taking solo-trips to other places, like Köln - where I’m currently sitting, writing this post in a German cafe (okay, I’ll admit, it’s a Starbucks; so maybe it’s not quite a “German” cafe, but, still it’s in Germany and I’m making plans to go to actual German places!). 

I can’t wait to share more with you about all the crazy, adventurous things I have been doing but for now, I’m going to go check into my hotel and head out into the city... Check back on Sunday to hear about my dancing and traveling adventures... Bis bald!

-Stephanie
(Mt 14:25-31)