As I sit here on the first of four flights, I can’t help but be amazed that I’m actually here. This day seemed like a surreal dream off in the distance that would never actually come to fruition. And yet here I am, about to embark on a new season of life. Honestly, my most prominent emotion is an overwhelming sense of calm. This calmness is truly a gift from God, thanks to the prayers from my friends and family and by no means an example of my capabilities. If this adventure was solely reliant on me and my own abilities, I would probably be a nervous wreck right now, devastated by the idea of missing another three months (at least) of my nieces' and nephews' lives. Especially after spending the last six months seeing three of them regularly and basically living with another. All this to say, I am calm. I am ready. I am excited. Even the slight dread I had about making new friends and spending the next few weeks in transition is completely gone. Now, all I want to do is embrace this new time in my life. The only reason I can think of for this shift in attitude (not that I wasn’t excited to start this new adventure before) is that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I don’t know what is going to happen in Spain, but truly, I don’t mind not knowing. I am excited to see all God has in store for me and to meet all the people He has so strategically placed in my path without so much as an inkling of my knowledge or input.
As I fly over the Atlantic, one of my recent favorite songs comes to mind. ‘New Wine’, by Hillsong, has been my anthem over the past year or so. It’s about God allowing someone to be crushed and broken to make them into something more like Him. From the beginning of 2020, God has taken me through a series of storms where I have been crushed and broken, yet I have come out stronger and more trusting of Him. The line that always stands out to me is “When I trust you I don’t need to understand…” I don’t need to understand why things worked out the way they did this year, or why I was dragged through so many valleys this year. I don’t need to know why I was called to leave a city, a job, a church, and friends I loved so much to move across the world and start over. I don’t need to understand why I was called to go during a world crisis, especially when my main goal was to travel to as many European countries as possible this year. None of that is important because sitting here letting God be God has brought me from the valley to a mountain top (just to be cliché). And the view from the mountaintop has been unfathomably more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
So while I sit here contemplating the unknown future, wondering whether I’ll get to see my European friends or spend my days stuck in my flat, I can’t help but be filled with joy. I don’t know why I’m here, but at the same time, I do know why I’m here. I’m going to Spain to spread God’s love, whether that be to people I meet on travel weekends, or to my roommates who want to destroy all of my country music. No matter where this journey takes me, I know I am where God wants me to be. I am calm and I am settled, knowing that when I trust God, there’s no need to understand.