"I'm not ready"

Authored by:
Ashlynn H.

Ashlynn H.

I guess it didn’t really hit me until the week before that I was leaving the country for a year.

The months and months of waiting quickly turn into weeks…then without warning, they turn into days.

The realization that I was about to leave all that I’ve known and loved behind hit me hard a few days ago.  It was on the way home from a quick trip to Walmart with my mom.

“In exactly one week, you’ll be hopping on a plane to Madrid!” exclaimed my mom, as we were making the short drive home.

For quite some time at this point, I had been experiencing off-and-on feelings of hesitancy and anxiety about my move.  I’d been able to brush these feelings aside as nothing more than normal, pre-adventure “jitters”.  However, in this moment, I couldn’t help but begin sobbing…how could there only be one week left? 

Considering that I’d been looking forward to this move since I  got back from Spain the first time, my mom was probably a little taken aback by the fact that I was now in tears.  

Between sobs, I managed to choke out the words “I’m…not…ready…”

Mom, after listening to this concern of mine, said slowly,  “I don’t think you’ll ever really be ready…it’s just something you have to do”.

And I knew she was right.

Would I ever really be ready to move to Spain?  What is meant by the term “ready” anyways?

Will I "ready" when I have more money in my bank account?

Will I be ready when my suitcase is packed?

When I'm fluent in Spanish?

When I have more teaching experience?

When I have a master’s degree in the English language?

I don’t think any amount of preparation can make me ready to move to a foreign country, where I don’t have any family, and where I struggle to speak the language. 

I think we often wait until “the right time”, or until we are “ready”, in order to do something big and radical…like teaching English overseas.

Friends, I think the time is now.  

Don’t spend the rest of your life waiting for “ready”….”ready” won’t come.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t feel afraid to make a big move.  It’s totally normal and reasonable to be freaking out!  Who wouldn’t be nervous about moving to a foreign country for an entire year?  The point is not to let your fear of not being ready enough stop you from going…or make you feel as though you made a poor decision.

Because if not now…

Then when?

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