The Hard Part No One Talks About: My Lessons Learned & Gentle Reminders

We can expect change and still be knocked off our feet by it. Even the ones that we choose to go through – that we dream of and fly across the world to experience – can feel exceptionally difficult. It’s normal and necessary. It can still suck, to be fair, but all we can do is give it a fair shot and do our best to cope. 

Today marks one month of me being in Thailand. My move here definitely didn’t unfold the way I had romanticized it before leaving, but here's my honest account of what it's been like adjusting to this new chapter of life.

A Rough Start

I knew it was going to be hard at first. To err on the side of caution, I predicted that I would probably struggle to adjust for the whole first month. Unfortunately, that was correct and not even the half of it.

My first weeks in Thailand were a lot, to say the least. The teary goodbyes were much harder than I expected. I felt exhausted during orientation. I got hit with the stomach bug and had to stay back while everyone else left for their placements. On top of all that, a family emergency was happening back home.

I was freaked out. I genuinely didn’t know if I could stay in Thailand or see this experience through. I was full of fear, self-doubt, and was completely losing the plot. Why did I decide to come here again? Why did I think I could ever handle this?

If you're feeling scared off at this point, don’t be. I’m fairly certain that this is not the average experience of most people who move abroad to teach. Whew! Now, I’m happy to report that everything is okay and I am trudging through the hard times, but it wasn't without extreme difficulty first.

Starting the New Job

Everyone knows being the new person at work isn’t fun. It feels like you’re constantly embarrassing yourself, having to ask questions, messing little things up, and you just want to fast forward to the part where you know exactly what to do.

In this case, not only was I new, but I was in a job I didn’t have experience in. Add in a completely new setting and a language barrier, and it all made sense why I was feeling a little low-spirited at the start of the semester. 

Of course, this is what I signed up for, and I was excited and prepared to be flexible as I got my footing in the classroom. But still, that first week threw me so far off I genuinely wondered if I had lied on my résumé. Did I have any experience, like, at all?

I was leading a class of doe-eyed little learners, still questioning if I was qualified to be there.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I found myself comparing a lot, to my past personal experiences or how I was perceiving the experiences of the other foreign teachers around me. It was easy for me to fall into negative thought patterns like, “I didn’t have this hard of a time adjusting when I was studying abroad,” or “The other teachers seem to be doing a lot better than me, why is it taking me so long?”

I'm learning that just because it doesn’t look or feel like anything else we’ve experienced doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It felt discouraging that I had adjusted so much more quickly when I studied abroad, but that can’t be compared to now being in a different country, a different continent. Also, this time it’s a lot more serious than any other time I’ve gone abroad. I'm working in a real job and I am in charge of setting up 17 young students for a good future. It’s undeniably a big responsibility and a lot of pressure. Even if it feels scary, experiencing something totally new like this can actually be a really good thing, something we are meant to learn and grow from. 

You also never truly know what another person is going through. I had really gotten down on myself because I thought everyone else was adjusting easier, already had better relationships with their co-teachers, and felt more comfortable teaching. I learned that wasn't always the case, and someone in the same circumstances as you could be showcasing a very different experience than the one they are actually having. The grass is always greener on the other side. Learning to be present in your own reality makes all the difference, because someone else’s journey is not your own.

The Art of Not Spiraling

So… I will not claim to be an expert in this. But I have learned that it’s possible to stop these certain thought patterns from snowballing. Once I notice these thoughts, I try a few things to slow them down and stay grounded. You may not be able to control your circumstances, but you can control your reactions to them:

• Take a step back
  • Unless you're in an actual emergency, your emotions probably feel bigger than they really are in the moment. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pause and give yourself a moment. You might just have to ride it out. Giving yourself space — maybe by going for a walk or journaling for reflection — can make everything feel more manageable.
• Redirect your focus
  • And sometimes you just need to take your mind off of things. For me, this looks like watching my favorite TV shows, exercising, or doing something else mildly silly — this girl has never shied away from a little retail therapy. The goal isn't to avoid your feelings, but to give your mind a break, find some comfort, and ultimately help you see things clearer.
• Talk to someone
  • You don't have to bear all of the weight alone. Reaching out to friends or loved ones can help you gain perspective and feel understood. Having a solid support system here and at home has helped me immeasurably.

Reminders if You Feel Lost

So much change at all once can definitely get overwhelming.

1. Remember why you came
   There is a reason. Moving to work abroad is not something a person typically just does on a whim. It requires a lot of courage and intentionality. Remind yourself what made you so excited to do it in the first place! That reason is still there, even if it feels hard to find at times.
2. Your feelings are valid
   One of my most annoying recurring thoughts is: "I’m in Thailand! I’m doing something really cool and I should just be happy." In theory, that sounds like it should be true. In reality, excitement doesn’t erase overwhelm, homesickness, or self-doubt. This mindset is a trap that can make you feel guilty for feeling anything other than joy.
3. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them consume you
   On the same note, all of those bad feelings are normal to feel. For me, certain ones like homesickness may always be there. I’ve learned to accept it as part of the process rather than a sign that I shouldn't be here. I just have to acknowledge that the feeling is there every day and keep moving forward.
4. Just because it’s difficult, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad
   We can be quick to think like this. We may say, “If this is supposed to be good for me, why does it feel this awful?” Look at it as the learning experience it is. Change is hard, but it’s also how we grow. Give whatever it is a fair shot, then you can further evaluate with a clearer mind.
5. You're more capable than you think
   You’ve already done something incredible by moving abroad – that already goes to show your resilience and persistence. You can adapt faster than you realize, even if it feels like you’ve stagnated.
6. Go easy on yourself
   I can't stress this enough. It's impossible to have it all figured out at the beginning. It’s okay to cry, rest, and regroup. Be patient with yourself as you adjust, and know that it will get easier with time.

Trust the Process

At the end of the day, moving abroad isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to change you and challenge you in ways you think you can anticipate but can’t always. Whether you’re considering making a move like this or you’re already in the thick of it, understand that it’s okay if your experience hasn’t been the picture-perfect one you imagined in your head — mine definitely wasn’t!

I wasn't even sure if I'd stay in Thailand long enough to write this post, but I'm so happy I'm sticking it out. My mindset has basically flipped over the course of my first month and everything feels so much more normal. Already being in a place emotionally that I can look back and acknowledge the trying moments means it’s been quite uphill from there. 

And to anyone else on this journey, it’s only the beginning! The really good parts are coming — sometimes quietly and slowly, but always on time.