Saying Goodbye to Your Exchange Student: How Host Families Can Prepare (and Cope)

Last updated May 8, 2026. Originally published April 15, 2019.

For thousands of host families across the U.S., saying goodbye to an exchange student can have the opposite effect – marking the end of a year that felt anything but temporary.

Because, in an instant, a family member is gone – and families begin to grieve.

“I feel like Antonio is my son,” said host mom Maggie Foster of Michigan, referring to the Spanish exchange student she's hosted this year. “I'm going to be so sad to see him go. My heart will still hold on to that joy, but it will definitely be a little sad for a while.”

Why Saying Goodbye Can Be Emotional

Saying goodbye can feel overwhelming – and that reaction is completely normal. Some host families even describe it as deeply painful or disorienting.

You've shared holidays and birthdays. School events and activities. Day trips and new experiences. When you look back at photos years from now, your exchange program participant will be there, alongside you and your family.

That’s because they are family. Similar to dropping off a teenager at college, the host family goodbye to an exchange student shakes up your everyday routine.

And just as you adjusted to welcoming your student into your home, you’ll eventually adjust to the home without them.

How to Prepare Emotionally

Because the high school program has an end date, you have time to prepare for your farewell.

“It definitely was really hard to say goodbye,” said host dad Michael Miller of Oregon. “That was because we became a new family, (we had) a new member of our family.”

Recognize the difficulty of the moment – and don’t shy away from it.

Research on family transitions suggests that how we say goodbye matters – and that talking about it openly can strengthen relationships, not weaken them. A psychology journal article about having a “good” goodbye offers 3 ways to prepare:

• Have an open conversation. Make time to reflect together on the year you’ve shared and how you want to spend the time you have left.
• Express your appreciation. Thank them! They’ve changed your life in a way you couldn’t have imagined at this time last year.
• Clear the air. If you want to continue the relationship moving forward, be sure to address any lingering disagreements or misunderstandings. End the program on a high note.

What Experienced Host Families Wish They Knew

If it’s your first time hosting, you may not know what to expect those last few weeks. Many describe the host family experience of saying goodbye as the most emotional – and meaningful – part of the exchange year.

Dave Clark has hosted students since 1985. The Texas grandfather knows a thing or two about these goodbyes. In fact, he knows 27 things about them.

Clark, now 81, is currently hosting his 28th – and final – exchange student. He and his participant from Turkmenistan have already made plans for some of those last moments together.

“This year, we’ll be going to a baseball game in Dallas,” he said. “And my boy really has a thing about cars, and there’s an antique car museum in Fort Worth – I promised him we would go see that.”

Clark is also preparing for the silence after his participant leaves.

“It gets so quiet,” he said. “My house is a two-story house, and the family room is under the bedroom where the boys have stayed. I’ve become very conscious of not hearing the footsteps above me. I’ve really noticed that. Things quiet down so much. And it's just me in this house when they're gone.”

And while those goodbyes can be hard, just remember that you’re moving into the next phase of your relationship with them.

"I have everybody's photo in my den,” Clark said. "Sometimes I get photos now and I put them together with their original photos. Because since I've been in this so long, my second boy is a grandfather now!”

Clark says he keeps in touch with most of his “boys” – visiting them as well.

"The other wonderful thing is I have had the opportunity to go visit them at their homes,” he said. “I've been to Japan, I've been all over Europe. Last time I went to Europe, I had these big ambitions to see a lot of kids – and I just couldn't go everywhere. And I said to them, ‘I'm so sorry, I just can't get everywhere.’ So one of them flew from Berlin to Madrid to be with me. And another one came from Belgium to Amsterdam to be with me. So that was really neat.”

Plus, it’s become even more of a family affair for Clark: “Many of them have come back – one of them even came back and was an usher at my daughter's wedding.”

Making the Last Weeks Meaningful

When the countdown begins, it’s tempting to squeeze in every last activity – but too much pressure can make meaningful moments feel rushed.

Decide together what would be the most meaningful events. Consider:

• Doing a photo shoot. Grab a friend who can take photos of your family at a couple of your favorite places in town. Make it sentimental or funny – whatever matches your family’s vibe!
• Throwing a party. Gather friends and family in the backyard or at a local park for a casual potluck or pizza party. Set up outdoor games or activities to keep the good times going for one more afternoon.
• Visiting your favorite places. Maybe it’s shopping at the mall, throwing a strike while bowling, or requesting some retro tunes for roller skating.  
• Trying their favorite dishes one more time. Head to the sub shop for a cheesesteak, make their final Fluffernutter, or go to the local BBQ joint for their last order of ribs.
• Creating a scrapbook. Print out the photos, write out your goodbye, and have friends share their thoughts – a yearbook of their time in America.

What matters most isn’t how many activities you plan, but that you choose them together. Shared intention helps everyone begin processing the goodbye – without trying to outrun it.

Host mom, CIEE BridgeUSA regional placement manager, and cultural exchange influencer Courtney Kobos Smith (@thesmithshost) keeps busy during those last few days of hosting students.

Her Italian student, who left in December, had “her very last swim meet, a performance of ‘The Nutcracker’, end-of-year goodbye with some of her friends. Then an early Christmas here at our house, an exchange student Christmas party with her local coordinator so they’ll get to see all of the exchange students one more time, a couple of exams, and a couple last days of school.”

What Follows After Your Host Student Leaves

Understanding how to cope when an exchange student leaves can help host families give themselves grace during this adjustment.

Many families are surprised by how quiet the house feels once their student is gone. The empty bedroom, fewer voices at the table, and missing routines can feel jarring at first.

For some, the hardest emotions don’t arrive immediately, but weeks later, when life returns to “normal” and you realize how much it changed you.

Give yourself time. There’s no right pace for moving forward – and missing them doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past.

Staying Connected After the Program Ends

For many families, staying in touch with their exchange student becomes a new chapter in the relationship rather than an ending.

Do a quick check-in with your participant not long after their flight lands to make sure they’ve landed safely and that their family has picked them up.

After that, give them a little time to adjust to being home. While you’re returning to your pre-exchange life, your student is going back home as a very changed person during some of their most formative years.

There are so many ways to stay connected with people today – especially ones that don’t make you feel like someone is on the other side of the world at all. Consider:

• Connecting on social media. While you may have already done this during their time with you, it will feel different seeing their photos and posts from afar.
• Sending a care package. If they’re bummed that their favorite candy isn’t sold near them or they’ve stained their American football jersey, think about surprising them with some mail.
• Setting up a scheduled time to chat. Put something on the calendar, and use your favorite video calling app to talk.
• Planning a visit. Work with your student’s parents to see whether you want to get together in their country or yours.

In 2020, Sophie Grimes’ exchange student returned to Latvia early, no thanks to the COVID pandemic.

“We were all devastated, especially my 10-year-old son,” the Oregon host mom said. “We always had a jar going for spare change for Disneyland. Once we'd fill it, we'd go to Disneyland. And so he said, ‘I don't wanna go to Disneyland. I wanna go to Latvia and go see Elizabeth.’”

The Grimes family switched gears, turning the jar into savings for a Latvia trip.

“A few years later, we got to go stay with her and her family,” she said. “We went to her graduation. It was such a wonderful experience. My family will never forget it.”

Why It's All Worth It

The exchange student-host family relationship doesn’t disappear at the end of the program. It evolves, often lasting for years across borders and life stages.

So if it hurts to say goodbye, remember this: That’s how you know hosting was worth it. You welcomed a stranger into your home – but said goodbye to a forever member of your family.

“It's been, quite honestly, one of the best things I've done in life,” said Clark, the Texas grandfather. “I don’t regret a single experience.”

Many host families say goodbye – and then, one day, hello again. When you're ready, explore how you can host another CIEE BridgeUSA High School exchange student.