The Process of Immersion and Acceptance

Never, ever, ever did I think studying abroad would be so hard - another result of coming in to this with no expectations.

When I first was thinking about studying abroad, I read almost every blog on the CIEE page... and analyzed every word and picture that the students would post. Almost every blogger would initially say the same thing. At first they had a blanket "everything is wonderful" statement for their first two weeks but then they would all say that after those two weeks, the newness of everything would fade and some homesickness would set in. 

At first, I was nervous because I was almost instantaneously homesick. When I got home from a stressful first day at a new school in a new country, I wanted to hug my mom. And when my host mom told me her favorite fruits were oranges and mandarins, I could help but think of how those are my native mothers favorite fruits as well. It was the little things that really made me want to break down and cry, but it was the big things like not wanting to offend my incredible host family that made me hold back from bursting in to tears.

With this said, my biggest challenge has not been school, maybe the language, but most entirely, acceptance. Acceptance that my journey of homesickness could be completely different to other students'. Acceptance that it is completely okay to need to cry,  okay to be sad, okay to miss the heck out of my family, my friends, and the familiarity of everything that is my life at home.
I am not saying I have mastered acceptance, because I think I've only made a dent, but like anything, realizing the issue is the first thing you can do.

My process of acceptance started last night, I was laying in bed in the room I share with one of my three host sisters, Violeta. I was on my phone talking to my best friend and my mom. She asked me "Háblas con tus amigas?" (are you talking with your friends?) and I said "Sí sí" and she asked what I was telling them and after I told her we were just talking about Spain's food, school etc... she asked if my mom was sad. I had been holding so much in that when she asked me this I just broke down and cried. I've still got tears in my system, but Violeta immediately was hugging me and trying to take my mind off it. Which caused a segway in to a 35 minute conversation about our different hairstyles over the years. Except Violeta looked pretty in every picture she showed me, and most of my pictures were from awkward middle school years with braces and disproportionate facial features. It was so nice to know that Violeta and her amazing family wouldn't be offended that although everything here is practically perfect, I still miss every thing about home.

Which really brings me to my next topic. My family here in Spain. One word: perfect. 

My amazing family is why it has been so hard to admit that I'm homesick. The last thing I want to do is show them any sadness, when all they give me is immense happiness. They are they most generous and kind hearted people I've ever met and the last thing I would want to do is make them think that I think anything other than that. 
Spanish school is been one of the more stressful things, but it would have been harder in every single way if Katia and her daughters hadn't been (and still are) helping me every step of the way. Between Katia spending almost two hours with me studying spanish, and Violeta consistently waiting for me everyday for recreo (a break that occurs twice a day between classes) so that I can stand with her and her friends, they are the most helpful and caring people.

I couldn't be luckier to have a families like I do, in the US and in Spain. Having two families that you care immensely for is an amazing gift.

-Annelise

P.S.

The food in Spain is indescribable. I would write a post based solely off all of the intense amounts of amazing food I've eaten but I'm literally speechless. WARNING: I will come back to the US extremely overweight.