How to Build Community While Living Abroad - A Step by Step Guide

Something I mentioned in my blog about managing mental health is that one of the best ways to take care of your inner world is by building community…but like, how?

As I reflect on the other side of my teaching abroad experience, I’m overcome with the realization that I’ve built a village outside of the one I was born into. While these newfound connections feel magical, they were also intentional. They were built slowly, with consistency and time.

Having had to start over in multiple cities and environments, I’ve subconsciously created a mental step-by-step guide for “finding my people” that I’ve never actually written down. Now seems like a good time to do just that.

Step 1: Join a Third Space

It can be anything: a book club, a dance class, an ultimate frisbee team. Whatever brings you enough joy to show up is where you should be.

One of my favorite third spaces during my time in Madrid was an Open Folk night held every Tuesday in a hostel south of the city. It was a free open mic event for up-and-coming folk artists and the perfect excuse to bring friends, host visiting family members, and network with local musicians.

The point isn’t to pick the perfect third space. The point is to pick somewhere that feels good enough to return to.

Step 2: Show Up…A Lot

Once you’ve found your community, make a point to show up consistently for the next three or four weeks.

We often think of relationship-building only in a romantic sense, but the same principles apply to friendships. If you’re trying to build a new connection, seeing someone regularly matters. Familiarity creates comfort, and comfort creates closeness.

After a month of consistently pouring into your new community, showing up becomes a habit—and likely something you genuinely look forward to.

You’ll also notice the language people use around you begins to change. Conversations shift from “When will I see you again?” to “Same time next week?”

That subtle shift is important. It hints that you’re no longer a tourist passing through. You’re becoming part of the fabric of the community.

This is when the real fun begins.

Step 3: Go on a Playdate

After showing your face at your third space for a while, you’ve probably made a friend or two. But maybe you still see them more as a friendly acquaintance than your future best friend. 

Now comes the scary part: asking them out on a proper playdate. The goal of this step is to build a friendship that exists outside of the designated place and time where you met. You want a relationship that can be flexible and woven into everyday life.

Personally, framing hangouts as "playdates" helps me get more creative. Friendly reminder: not every outing has to happen in a restaurant or café. Since moving abroad, I’ve gone to cat cafés, tea houses, jazz clubs, mini golf courses, and countless arts-and-crafts nights in my friends’ apartments. Play is underrated as adults. Shared experiences create stories, and stories become the glue that holds friendships together.

Repeat Steps 1 and 2 until you achieve your desired friendship goals. Easy, right? Well…not exactly. Because making friends is one thing. Maintaining them is another. 

Here are a few things I’ve learned about nurturing friendships once you’ve found them.

Break Bread Together

While living in Madrid, I joined a book club focused on social change and reform. The first Wednesday of every month, we hosted a potluck.There’s something ancient and intimate about sharing food. You don’t need to be a great cook, either. Bring chips. Bake cookies. Order pizza.

The meal itself is rarely what people remember. They remember laughing over dessert, arguing about books, and staying an hour later than planned because nobody wanted to leave.

Give and Expect Nothing in Return

I’m a big fan of romanticizing friendships. Remember birthdays. Send voice notes. Bring your friend soup when they’re sick. Offer to help them move apartments. Text them when you see something that reminds you of them.

Sometimes the most meaningful gestures cost absolutely nothing. One of my friends here in Madrid, Maile, gives the best hugs in the world. They’re strong and tight, and she’s always the last to let go. It’s one of the things I look forward to every time I see her because I know I have a good hug waiting for me.

Friendships are often built through these tiny rituals of care—the things we do not because we expect anything back, but because loving people is rewarding in itself.

Host Something

It can literally be anything. I’ve been to dinner parties, field days, bouquet-making picnics, movie nights, clothing swaps, and spontaneous afternoons in the park. Hosting isn’t about impressing people. It’s about creating a container for connection.

It’s also a wonderful opportunity to mix friend groups. Some of my favorite memories abroad happened when I introduced people from completely different parts of my life and watched them become friends with each other. The more the merrier.

And if organizing stresses you out, use an app like Partiful and let technology do the heavy lifting.

Final Thoughts

Building community abroad can feel daunting because, at first, it seems like everyone already has their people. But I promise: most adults are lonelier than they let on. Many are waiting for someone else to invite them, to text first, to suggest grabbing coffee or organizing a picnic. Why shouldn’t that someone be you? 

Community isn’t something you stumble upon. It’s something you create—one recurring event, one awkward invitation, one playdate at a time. And one day, without realizing exactly when it happened, you’ll look around and discover that the city that once felt foreign is full of people who feel like home.